whatsthehurry | (no subject)

(no subject)

[ it's late, and kaeya is drunk.

not drunk enough to stumble and slur, nor to not know where he is, or whom he is with, but drunk enough to make reckless choices. drunk enough to touch what he shouldn't, and say forbidden things. drunk enough to eye diluc with undisguised hunger, across the bar. what they have between them.. it's nothing new. kaeya's felt this way for a long, long time - since they were boys, if he's honest with himself, and tonight, he is. it isn't the first time he's been tipsy in the angel's share and sent diluc heated looks, and he's sure it won't be the last, but kaeya nevertheless doesn't intend to grab diluc's wrist when he reaches for kaeya's glass. he's never been quite so bold before.

but it's raining tonight, and the rain makes him melancholy and nostalgic. rain reminds him of the things he's lost. it was storming, the night his father left him at the winery, when first he met master crepus, and diluc. it was storming again, the day he lost them both. thunder rolls in the distance, and wind rattles the windows in their frames; the storm is likely the only reason that diluc hasn't made good on his threats to kick kaeya out, despite the fact that the angel's share closed over an hour ago. kaeya is repaying that kindness, it seems, with assertiveness, his hand closing more tightly around diluc's wrist. even through his glove, he can feel the heat of diluc's skin.. he's always run so warm. ]

Luc -

[ the nickname comes too easily; kaeya's tongue is too loose. he clears his throat and grins genially, though his thumb is gliding beneath the hem of diluc's glove, sliding against bare skin. ]

That is, Master Diluc.. just one more, please. If you would be so kind.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ diluc's hands range over his chest, and kaeya arches into his touch, pressing into those burning hot palms, eager and wanting while they kiss, and kaeya is sure that this is the best kiss he's ever experienced in his life. diluc might not have experience, but he has instinct, and he's following it perfectly - to the surprise of no one. diluc has always known how to follow his body, it's why he's such a strong, incredible fighter; he knows when to stop thinking and allow muscle and sinew to rule the mind.

then again, kaeya is also incredibly biased. he'd steal the sun from the sky for diluc if only he asked, and he's spent so long imagining what kissing him would be like, that feeling it is like.. a dream. it's heady and intoxicating, and in the back of his mind kaeya wonders if perhaps this is a dream, borne of drunken slumber, and he'll soon wake alone in his bed, slick with sweat, his pants wet with come.

kaeya only has a few moments to consider what's happening when diluc is tugging at his belt; before he knows it, diluc's hand is pressing down into his trousers, grasping his cock with greed and confidence. there's a white-hot flash behind his eyes, and kaeya moans into diluc's mouth, his hips snapping forward. ]

Luc..

[ it's not often that kaeya feels overwhelmed between the sheets - or against the wall, as it were - but right now diluc has him on the ropes, and kaeya's knees feel weak from the sensation alone. he presses back into the wall with such force that it makes the glasses and tumblers chime.

diluc is absolutely outstripping him, here, washing kaeya away with his need, and it's all he can do to keep his head above water. but he won't be outdone. kaeya's fingers are a little clumsy and rushed, but he makes quick work of the buttons on diluc's shirt, popping them open as swiftly as he can manage until at last he's able to press his palms against bare, hot skin. over deep scars and straining tendons. ]

[ It's only so he doesn't lose himself in being overwhelmed that Diluc must continue to push and press forward, because if he slowed down for even a moment, every wave that crashes against his momentum would surely stagger him. He's wanted this for so long, they both have, that it would be impossible to touch and kiss without the threat of losing themselves to it. If he must be the one to keep pressing on, then so be it.

It does seem fitting in a way, too. He has made Kaeya wait so very long for this, and there are so many times he has teased him, so many times that they have come close to this exact point. Kaeya deserves to be taken care of, even if Diluc hardly knows what he's doing.

But so far, it's been easy. Of course it's easy. He's thought about doing these very things so many times, practicing in his mind and in his dreams. He was ready.

So he continues with confidence as he pulls the length of Kaeya's cock out from his trousers, tugging them down around his hips just enough to do so comfortably. Without hesitation, he winds his fingers around Kaeya's length and pulls in quick, deep strokes, from root to tip and back again, feeling him fill out hard and full beneath his touch. He was already hard to begin with, but now the sensation almost makes Diluc dizzy, filled with thoughts of what it might be like to take him into his mouth, or into his body. Kaeya's experience in bed is well known in all of Mondstadt, and Diluc would like to experience the culmination of that knowledge.

His thumb rolls in circles over the tip of Kaeya's cock, slick already with precome, while he gasps against the feeling of Kaeya's roving hands, his palms scorching skin that already burns as hot as the sun. ]

Kae...don't stop.

[ Never stop. He would drown without this feeling, now that he's tasted it. Of that he's certain. ]

[ it's absolutely fitting indeed that they would come together this way, in a clash of fire and ice, just as they had four years ago on that awful, painful, rainy night. this is a different sort of conflict, but a conflict it remains, for how they push and pull at one another, vying for power, or really, vying to be the first to touch, the first to kiss, the first to drag teeth and nails against hot, perfect skin. it's feral, the way they're coming at one another, but kaeya couldn't imagine it any other way. it's diluc. they've been at odds for so long.

even if it wasn't always that way. even if kaeya has also thought about making slow, sweet love to him just as much as he's though about fucking him mindless. ]

I won't.

[ he whispers, his tongue dragging along diluc's soft lower lip, swollen from the ferocity of their kisses. his own lips burn sweetly, but he can't take his mouth away, can't stop kissing diluc even to press his mouth elsewhere, onto all of that soft skin. kaeya yearns to drag his mouth down diluc's body, to taste every inch of him until he's positively wrung out.

but then he would lose the sweet sensation of diluc's kiss, and the heady drunkenness that comes along with it. instead he allows his hands to move to diluc's back, still pressed under his shirt, his short fingernails dragging hot welts over pale skin - but it isn't enough. it isn't nearly enough. he's distracted, for a moment, by the drag of diluc's hand, how it pulls over his cock, strong and tight and confident, and when his thumb rolls over kaeya's tip he groans again, rocking his hips in a quick, staccato rhythm.

yet he wants more, too. kaeya's soon making quick work of diluc's trousers, unlacing them and shoving his hand down into that blinding heat until he's got his hand on diluc's cock. he's already so hard, silky smooth and fitting perfectly against kaeya's palm. ]

Fuck, you're perfect..

[ There will be a time and place for slow, sweet love-making, but this isn't it. It could be immediately after, it could be awhile away; Diluc couldn't say where things will take them once they aren't driven by absolute need, once there is space again in his head for things aside from the absolutely overpowering hunger he has for Kaeya. But of course, he doesn't preoccupy himself by worrying about that right now. Why would he? When he feels so good, when he feels so right, like scratching an itch that has lingered for years, or rubbing salve on a wound that has bled for far too long.

He's been a fool, to deny them this, but maybe it's better it happened this way.

Kaeya's cock in his palm already has him feeling heady and uneven, but Kaeya's slender fingers wrapping around his own cock makes him absolutely dizzy. Tilting his head back, Diluc groans, rolling his hips against Kaeya's searing touch, so eager to have those pretty little fingers reach over every inch of him. Then, his mouth is surging forward again, tongue lancing past Kaeya's lips; it turns out Kaeya isn't the only one who can't fathom the idea of not kissing the other.

With one hand still stroking around Kaeya's length, the other glides over Kaeya's ribs and to his back, pressing lower, skating along the ridge of his backside before nudging his trousers down even further with his knuckles. They drop down around Kaeya's knees now, and Diluc's fingers greedily sink into Kaeya's backside, dragging tight, red welts over his skin. ]

If I should stop...

[ Well. Kaeya will have to tell him, though his meaning remains unclear for a moment. He draws his hand back to the tip of Kaeya's cock, dragging his index finger up to the knuckle through his precome, and then his hand is reaching around Kaeya's thigh again, urging him to hook his leg over Diluc's side, so he can more easily drag his slick fingertip over the seam of his ass, teasing around his rim.

A primal groan rides Diluc's breath, as his hips surge forward, rolling against Kaeya's bare cock with his own, hot, silky skin brushing together, leaving him completely ravenous for more. He wants it all, everything that Kaeya has to give. He always has, he just...was too stubborn to let himself have it. ]

[ gods, they've waited too long. they've wanted this for years. diluc has pushed him away, but kaeya could still feel it, that longing, the electricity that surges between them like lightning, every time they're together. how many times has kaeya left him with lingering touches? how many times has he yearned to press his mouth to the delicate skin of diluc's throat, to learn how he tastes?

they'd come close a few times, in their youth, when they were foolish teenagers. kaeya can recall a time when they'd been lying in the grass, beneath a large tree just beyond the winery's boundary. his head was in diluc's lap, and kaeya was toying with all that red hair - how had they been so close, and yet so far? looking back, it was all too obvious that they were in love. kaeya still is. even now. even in this heated, fierce moment.

this moment in which they're pressing forward, toward an inevitable end that they've been building irresistibly toward. ]

Don't.

[ he hisses, even as diluc urges kaeya's thigh over his hip, anticipation squeezing tight in his gut. diluc's fingertip slides slick against his rim and kaeya's breath catches, his hand around diluc's cock squeezing, leather and skin both pulling hard. ]

Don't stop. Fuck me, Luc. I need you.

[ it's better this way, he thinks. kaeya doesn't know for sure, but he imagines that diluc doesn't have too much experience in this arena, and first times can be.. difficult. but kaeya knows what he's doing, knows how to receive just as well as he knows how to give. ]

[ Fuck me, Luc. I need you.

Diluc's features flush hot as hellfire at those words as they twist his stomach up into a thousand perfect, tiny knots, ready to burst. Like as not he could come right here against Kaeya's hand, it wouldn't take long at all, and he's practiced withholding while touching himself and thinking of encounters very much like this one. Unintentionally, he's prepared himself for this, even if his imagination pales to the real thing, the hunger, the need.

But Kaeya asks him to fuck him, and Diluc wouldn't dream of denying him this, of denying either of them this. Whatever happens after this encounter...he doesn't want to regret the act itself, when it has been building up for so long. It wouldn't do to lance the boil only to let it fill up with infection again, and regardless of the aftermath, they deserve this. They've waited so long, wanted so long, their attraction and tension undeniable. It's as close to fate as Diluc will let himself believe in.

Still, even if his course is set, he is...undeniably nervous. He's never done this before, what if he hurts him, in his haste? Diluc hardly prepared for this. He is hardly...ready, to press into Kaeya as they both need, but fortunately, he knows well of Kaeya's reputation of, uh, preparedness, and Diluc paws at the pockets of his low-slung trousers, still rocking his hips against Kaeya's exquisite touch, before withdrawing his quarry - a small glass vial. ]

Will you...?

[ He wants Kaeya to do it. Both to make sure the job is done right, and also...just so Kaeya can touch him more, though he hardly needs to. He's already hard as stone, hot and ready. This is the final step they need to take. ]

[ diluc's not the only one who's fit to burst. kaeya could come against diluc's palm in a heartbeat, without issue, right this fucking moment if diluc asked it of him, but they both want more than this. they need more than this. beneath the heat and need of the moment there's a cold tightness in his gut that worries for the future, that fears that this will be the one and only time that diluc will allow this, in which case he must desperately cling to this encounter, to set to memory every single moment of it, to take it and push it as far as diluc will allow.

which is as far as they want, it would seem.

kaeya knows what he's fishing for when diluc goes for his pockets, and kaeya's so glad that he had thought to keep a little vial of oil on him. he must always be prepared, and if he's honest.. any time he comes to the angel's share while diluc is working, he hopes it will come to this. it never does. it never has. but tonight, it's paying off. their eyes meet briefly, and kaeya takes the glass vial from diluc's hand without hesitation. ]

Mm..

[ he hardly needs to ask. he had to regrettably remove his hand from diluc's cock to remove his gloves with his teeth, one by one, but it's only a moment before he's slicked up his palm and gone back to work. slippery fingers glide along diluc's cock, coating him smoothly in oil from root to tip. ]

[ It's absolutely unfair, how good Kaeya makes it look when he pulls off his gloves with his teeth, how the mere implication of why he needs to do it at all has Diluc's stomach coiling tight, heat pressing hard into his cock, his gaze glued to the other man's teeth and lips. He looks so fucking good - he always does, but now, especially, with his pupils blown wide from need, his breathing heavy and swollen with groans, his lips red and puffed from their amorous exchanged. It's obscene, and Diluc can't get enough of it, even when Kaeya's fingers slick his cock, offering him a pretty good distraction. ]

Nh...that's perfect...

[ There's that temptation again, to come against his hand, to let himself go - it would still feel incredible. But he knows what he wants, he knows how he wants to do this. The way he's daydreamed about for so long, while touching himself in the dead quiet of the night. It's about to be his.

Growling low in his throat, Diluc takes Kaeya's face in his hands again and kisses him hard and deep, sucking his lower lip sharply in between his teeth, before his grasp drops down to Kaeya's hips again. One anchors behind the knee that is still hooked around his hip, while the reaches for his cock, surging forward so his tip glides against the hot underside of Kaeya's length. Diluc groands, but he presses on, arching his hips and forcing Kaeya further against the shelves behind them. It won't be very comfortable, but that's hardly a concern right now.

He has the angle he needs at last. With his teeth clenched, he guides the tip of his cock past Kaeya's waiting rim, careful and measured, before he smoothly rolls his hips to seat himself perfectly inside of Kaeya's body, yet another feral gasp escaping him. ]

Kae...

[ It's so overwhelming. He needs a moment, to keep his knees from buckling from sheer pleasure alone. ]

[ the anticipation is almost better than the pleasure. kaeya is sure, absolutely, positively sure, that he has never wanted anyone so much, never wanted anything so much as this. diluc has been on his mind and in his heart for years, and there can be no more holding back, no matter how complex things between them have become, no matter how diluc might push him away, and kaeya might pick at diluc, and press his buttons. beneath the strife of their relationship runs a deep well of love and trust laced with a hot, visceral wanting that time has only nurtured.

touching diluc.. it just feels right. loving him feels as natural as breathing.

the glasses and bottles on the shelves clink against one another again as diluc pushes him back further, harder, and kaeya's breath escapes him - gods, diluc is impossibly strong - and his hands snag in diluc's loosened, open shirt, holding tightly while he finds his angle.

then at last, at long last, diluc's cock is inside of him and kaeya is seeing stars, his head tipped back, his mouth agape in a deep, guttural groan. his body initially snaps tight around the intrusion, grasping diluc tight as the stretching burn takes hold, but kaeya knows what he's doing. he breathes, slow and deep and shuddering, and begins to relax himself, at least, as much as he is able. kae, diluc calls him, and kaeya's chest constricts with warmth. he swears under his breath, his hips canting forward, his hands white-knuckled. ]

That's perfect..

[ That overwhelming feeling lasts an eternity, and for a long moment, Diluc is sure he will drown in it, in the slick heat of Kaeya's body around his cock, in the sheer acknowledgement that this is really happening. How could he have ever thought to deny them this? He feels so fucking good, better than he ever could have imagined, and he has imagined it so very, very many times. These rushing thoughts in his head could make him come alone.

But even so. They may not last long, but that doesn't matter. Perhaps it's even for the better, considering the precarious way they are positioned right now, with Diluc pinning Kaeya up against the shelves with nothing more than his body. He hasn't exactly been gentle, but gentleness is the farthest thing from his mind right now. It's not what they've needed, after all these feelings were left to simmer for so long. They need a raw, hungry fuck, and Kaeya is so good to him to oblige as the receiver.

Were he his normal self right now, Diluc would perhaps feel a bit guilty for the way Kaeya's ass pulls and grasps around his cock, but in the moment, he can only enjoy it, he can only revel in it, and at last, he his moving his hips again, arching them up to sink his cock deep into Kaeya's body, finding that oh-so-sweetly sensitive spot inside of him, groaning as his teeth scrape over Kaeya's collar bone. ]

You're so...

[ But he can't quite seem to finish the thought, to decide just what Kaeya is, because he is so many things, especially right now. ]

[ no, gentleness is not what they need, and kaeya is sure that he wouldn't accept it, were that what diluc was offering. he'd rather chase this hunger and heat, and allow himself to be fucked raw and begging, because that is what they require, after all these years spent yearning. kaeya doesn't know how he will feel about this in a day's time, in an hour's time, and it isn't like him to be so rash and thoughtless, but with diluc..

well, diluc has a way of bringing it out in him. diluc has a way of bringing all sorts of things out in him. ]

I know.

[ he hisses through his teeth, one arm winding around diluc's back, fingernails sinking into hot skin beneath his loose shirt and vest, the other lifting so he can seize diluc by that fiery red mane, yanking him in again for a kiss. he wants to drown in diluc, to kiss and feel and fuck until there's nothing left but him, but this tiny space in their corner of the world..

the shelves creak and groan, their gasps and moans swallowing up everything but the sound of their coupling, wet and obscene, rustling fabric and the whisper of skin on skin - with his eye closed, kaeya hears it all. the heat builds, and builds quickly, even neglecting his cock it isn't long before kaeya is close, driven nearer to the precipice with every hard plunge of diluc's cock into his ass, every press and rub to that sweet spot that has him reeling. kaeya's fingers in diluc's hair tighten, his teeth sinking into his lower lip, swollen and tender from the force of their kisses. ]

Come for me, Luc.

[ A very small part of him would like to resist that command, simply for the purpose of resisting it when Kaeya is the one who gave it. Unfortunately - or fortunately - for Diluc, he simply doesn't have the wherewithal to pull that off tonight, not when this has been such a long time coming, not when he has wanted Kaeya for so long, not when this is, gods, his first time. Maybe another time he can wrest control - but does that mean he is thinking of a next time? Why is he thinking at all?

It's so easy to let the thoughts fall away, to allow Kaeya to soak up his entire essence, his hands, his voice, his body, the way he feels from the inside. He would do anything that Kaeya asked in that moment, entirely at his mercy, even if Kaeya is the one riding his cock. It's just...so...

With a harsh cry rent from deep inside, Diluc comes, hard, fast and hot, spilling inside of Kaeya with ungentle fervor. His nails pierce into the skin at Kaeya's hips, scraping through, and he squeezes his eyes shut as the wave of pure, untethered sensation rushes over him and envelops him completely. It's perfect. So perfect. So much more than he had ever dreamed of, and even as the moments count on, he is gasping loud, needful moans, pressing his hips further against Kaeya until every last drop of him is spent.

Even then, he remains as he is, tense yet blissfully perfect, holding in place so Kaeya can finish, too. ]

Now you, Kae.

[ He wants to feel him come all over his chest and abdomen, that wet heat the perfect climax to everything that has happened here tonight. ]

[ feeling diluc coming inside of him, watching him unravel..

gods, it's too beautiful for words. the play of pleasure across diluc's pretty face is exquisite, and the way his body reacts, tensing so tightly as he finds his peak.. kaeya's lost in it, lost in him, in how perfectly diluc comes apart for him. for him. this isn't some wet dream to wake from in the middle of the night, this is real, and raw, and the sheer magnitude of it is dropping onto kaeya's head like a sack of bricks, all at once.

kaeya feels dizzy, disoriented, and perfectly pleasured as diluc's hips stutter into his own, spilling wet heat into his body. it's filthy. it's irresistible.

diluc hardly needs to tell him twice - by the time that command comes kaeya is already halfway there, fit to burst from the feel of diluc alone, from the filthy trickle of come down the inside of his thigh. kaeya looses a hand and pulls it between them, his knuckles sore from how tightly he'd been grasping to diluc, and all it takes is a few quick jerks to his cock before he, too, is crumbling. kaeya's head tips back against the shelves as he groans, diluc's name on his lips. ]

Fuck --

[ wet heat spills over his fingers, spurting against diluc's bare abdomen as kaeya comes, hard and brutal and loud, his hand in diluc's hair grasping tightly, tightly enough to hurt. but kaeya is lost in white-hot pleasure, meeting his peak with shameless eagerness before he's slumping back against the shelves. ]

[ It is beautiful, isn't it?

Diluc finds himself enraptured as the same pleasure ebbing through him lights up Kaeya's body, consuming him from the inside out, his hips twitching, jerking, breath uneven, and Diluc's name is in there, too, just before he comes. Kaeya spills right against his stomach, hot, sticky come dribbling across his navel, and it feels so goddamn good that he can almost ignore how hard Kaeya is pulling on his hair, or how loud his cry is. Good thing there aren't sharing walls with any other establishment - there's no doubt they would be heard.

At last, they are both spent, and as Kaeya sinks back against the shelves, so does Diluc allow himself to sink down to the floor, bending at the knees, awash in a kind of pleasure and satisfaction that he has never known. There is...something more, something just at the horizon of his mind that he doesn't want to address yet, but for now, it's easy enough to focus on how good he feels, how deeply, utterly satisfied. He's certain he has never felt so good in his life.

With Kaeya's legs still straddled around him, Diluc leans forward to press his open mouth to Kaeya's once more. His kiss is still hot, but he is now breathless and far more patient, almost lazy in the way he tastes Kaeya's lips and teeth and tongue. This, it seems, is a much better way to come down, to keep them both...preoccupied, before they exchange any words.

What even is there to say? ]

[ together they sink to the floor, a tangle of long limbs, surrounded by the few discarded bits of clothing they had managed to tear off, though they are largely still dressed, which kaeya can only find incredibly hot. he's sore from having held such a tense position, from having been pressed back to hard shelves, from having been fucked raw and brutally, but kaeya knows he will revel in every sting and ache for all that it meant, all that it means.

gods, what does it mean?

thankfully diluc takes the initiative to kiss him, to further delay what they need to address, which is all that kaeya could ask for in this moment. with a low, rough groan he's pressing back into that kiss, his eye closed and his lips parted, and this kiss, he thinks, is the best one yet. it's still full of heat and urgency, but less so, more explorative, more.. genuine. it makes his heart beat fast and his stomach tense up with warm butterflies. he kind of hates that.

he kind of loves it.

raising his hands, kaeya grasps at diluc's jaw to keep him there, and they kiss for what feels like hours, they kiss until their lips are swollen and sore, until they've learned one another's mouths thoroughly and completely, until they're breathless. even when the kiss breaks, kaeya is nudging his mouth to diluc's, still eager to feel him, to taste him. ]

That was.. a long time coming, I think.

[ What does it mean...what a terrifying question to approach. Maybe Diluc can just kiss him forever, kiss him and kiss him and kiss him until there is nothing else left, but of course, things aren't so simple, and eventually they must break apart and reconcile with everything that unfolded here tonight. It had been easier to keep his swarming thoughts at bay while they kissed, his mind instead filled with the taste of Kaeya's mouth, the feel of his hands, the tangled mess they're still in - but now, they press closer, asking Diluc that very same question.

At least of one thing he is absolutely certain - he doesn't regret it. He can't regret it. What happened here tonight wasn't an indulgence; it was a necessity.

Diluc sucks in a deep breath of air, hands snagging in the front of Kaeya's loose cotton shirt (that I am pretty sure he was still wearing?!), bearing the weight of his contemplation. ]

...Yes. It was.

[ Another kiss. Another chance to taste what he denied himself for so long. ]

I...shouldn't have let it take this long. I knew long ago that it would not fade.

[ yeah i'm pretty sure all he managed to remove was his jacket and.. halfway his pants. or something.

despite the fact that kaeya was the one to speak first, he finds that he immediately regrets it, and wishes they could just go back to uncomplicated kissing and fucking and not have to worry about anything at all. in fact, kaeya's eye is already flicking to the left and the right, searching for an escape route.

at least until diluc is leaning forward to kiss him again, and kaeya's breath leaves him in a shuddering rush. gods, it feels so good to kiss him.. it feels so right, more right than anything has ever felt in his life. from a young age, his life has always been unstable, the puzzle pieces of his existence scattered, a mess, but he and diluc fit together, they always have, from the first night kaeya spent under the roof of the manor. he'd been terrified, alone, frozen solid from the downpour, but diluc had watched him with wide, scarlet eyes, eager to help. and when kaeya came down with a cold the next day, diluc rushed to his side, ready to share his toys, to bring kaeya water, to stay with him until he felt better.

the memory is like a knife to the heart. ]

Well. We can share the blame.

[ clearing his throat, kaeya snags the waistband of his trousers and begins hiking them back up, right over the mess in his pants, because really, what else is he going to do? it's not the first time he's walked home with come in his pants, and it isn't likely to be the last. ]

[ Right, they should - put themselves back together - and they did it right here behind the bar - what was he thinking?

But he wasn't thinking, that's the whole point. And now that he is thinking again, he realizes he is entirely out of his depth here. Even Kaeya seems to be, and this was hardly his first time. Does Kaeya realize just how...fresh this all was to Diluc? That he lost his virginity here with him tonight? Heat flushes his face, burning and unwelcome, as he looks away, tucking his cock back inside his trousers and doing them back up, before lifting his fingers to the buttons of his shirt.

His fingers are unsteady. He's blaming that on the strength it took to pin a fully grown man against the shelf.

To fuck him.

He exhales sharply. ]

I...yes. We should.

[ Maybe it's better to simply leave it at that. ]

[ he's not wrong, really - diluc may have been doing his best to push kaeya away all these years, but kaeya hasn't exactly made it easy for them to heal, either, with his smartass attitude and inability to be honest and straightforward. the two of them together built this tangled, complicated relationship that they now have.

that even now, after a hard, brutal, necessary fuck, they both are still trying their hardest to ignore. kaeya started this thing, by pressing his luck with diluc, he's obligated to fix it.. yet instead he's buttoning up his trousers and buckling his belts back up as if all they exchanged was an easy conversation. kaeya's silver tongue rarely fails him, but now? gods, he hardly knows what to say. what to do. his eye flicks briefly to diluc's face, taking in the hot flush on his skin, the uncertain expression.

should he regret this?

.. no. no, he doesn't regret it. it feels like they've lanced a painful boil, like they've moved forward, somehow, despite the fact that they've overcomplicated things even further. it was good. it was incredible. unforgettable. kaeya doesn't regret a single second of it, no matter how awkward things feel in this moment. ]

I should.. ah..

[ his gaze flickers to the door. ]

[ Diluc's hands stop where they are, about halfway through rebuttoning his shirt, as he follows the motion of Kaeya's eyes towards the door.

Ah.

So, that's how it's going to be, then.

It hurts, more than he would ever care to admit, a hot flash of embarrassment sinking like a dagger into his gut. Diluc has never been intimate with anyone before, he's never even been close to it - how could he? With how busy his various tasks and missions keep him, and how long his heart has belonged to Kaeya and Kaeya only. This was hardly intimacy, yes, but it was absolutely vulnerability, a side of Diluc that no one has ever seen before, and Kaeya is just going to leave. Going to run, like he always does.

It's a slap to the face. It stings. It hurts. But rather than allow himself to be hurt, to show even one more sliver of vulnerability to the other man, Diluc instead gets angry, the walls around his heart climbing upward once more. It's easier this way. Better this way. It always has been.

What a fool he'd been to think this would change anything. ]

Am I keeping you from something, Captain? How dare you. Tch - I should have known better.

[ Climbing to his feet, he turns away, hands clenched at his sides. He can still taste Kaeya in his mouth, feel his hands on his body. Godsdamn him. ]

Go on then. Leave. You got what you came for.

Edited 2022-10-11 06:15 (UTC)

[ ah. he's fucked up. ]

No, Luc, I -

[ shit. for all diluc keeps his cards close to his chest, kaeya knows him, and he can see the hurt that flashes across his features before he's closing down, raising his walls up high again, and kaeya knows he has misstepped - and badly. he'd thought diluc wouldn't want him to stick around, he'd thought diluc would want to escape this awkward situation as much as kaeya wants to.

he'd been a fool, clearly. hurting diluc.. it's just about the last thing that kaeya wants to do. for all he picks at him, for all he likes to press diluc's buttons, kaeya doesn't want to wound him, not really, not like this. he's scrambling to his feet almost instantly, reaching to snag one of diluc's wrists, pulling, trying to turn him around.

It's not like that. I just thought -

[ kaeya curses under his breath. ]

I'm sorry.

[ He resists, at first. Don't call me that, he nearly spits, but he bites back the words, though even he isn't sure the reason why. That nickname belongs to Kaeya only, the only one who has ever called him that, and hearing him call him that tonight was...deeply affecting, to say the least. Maybe it's just that he doesn't want to give Kaeya any more emotional outbursts from him, to demonstrate how far under his skin he's gotten.

His fist remains tightly wound, jaw clenched, as Kaeya tries to turn him around. He doesn't - not fully, anyway. Diluc doesn't want to face him right now. Maybe not ever again. How can he look him in the eye, knowing how close they came tonight, and how soon afterwards Kaeya was to return to his usual tricks?

He could really punch him in the teeth right now. ]

For what.

[ For what? ]

[ kaeya knows this diluc. it's the same diluc that drew his claymore against him that terrible, rainy night, the same diluc that unleashed the fire that scarred his face. he's always had a quick temper, however much he might mask it behind his gentle, genial demeanor.

and as always, kaeya deserves to be on the receiving end of his burning hot ire. ]

I just thought -

[ kaeya's grasp on diluc's wrist tightens up, and he gives another tug - but if diluc won't turn to him, then kaeya will close the distance instead, side-stepping to get in front of diluc again. ]

I thought you wouldn't want me hanging around, all right?

[ but he was wrong, clearly, and he should likely have known better. diluc isn't like him, he doesn't do casual sex or meaningless flings. this meant something to him. it meant something to kaeya, too, but it had been all too easy for him to lose his cool and chase the desire to run away, to escape whatever awkward pain the aftermath would bring. it was a selfish desire, but kaeya has always been a selfish man, placing his own self-preservation before most everything else.

still, it isn't worth hurting diluc. guilt weighs heavy on his heart, just as it had back then; gods, why is he always fucking things up? ]

[ That Kaeya doesn't relent when Diluc refuses to turn around is a surprise - even more so when he steps in front of him. He's tempted to turn again, despite this, to hide his own embarrassment, his own fear, but he refuses to be so cowardly. He refuses to let Kaeya get to him, more than he already has, though by now, there is little point. How could Kaeya be anywhere but within the very core of Diluc's heart?

That's why it hurts so much that he wanted to leave. He claims that he did it for Diluc's sake, but is that really true? Gods, why does it hurt that he even has to ask that question to himself? He may have once thought he knew Kaeya better than he even knew himself, that he knew how his mind worked implicitly, but that had never been true, had it? So it's not true now either. He has to question these things.

He has to question what it all meant. ]

Don't make me your scapegoat. You wanted to run away so you wouldn't have to deal with whatever I might do next. Isn't that right?

[ Yes, you thought wrong, Kaeya, and Diluc is making sure you know it. ]

Yeah, that's true, too.

[ but both of these things can be true.

kaeya doesn't give up, though. it's not like him not to run away from a mess - clearly - but now that this has devolved so painfully he knows he can't leave. he can't let this go. even if it earns another scar, kaeya.. has to choose honesty, this time. though the temptation is certainly there to give up, to just.. leave, and let this thing fester, he's already lost so much, with diluc. he can't lose anymore. he couldn't take it.

so kaeya snags his other wrist too, holding tightly. ]

Luc, come on.

[ what does he need to say? what can he say? cold fear is creeping up his spine, a quiet panic building in his gut that he can't chase away. it feels like diluc is slipping further and further away, and kaeya can only cling to what's left. ]

Maybe I thought that for a minute, yeah. Maybe I wanted to run. But I'm here now, and I can't - we can't -

[ honesty doesn't come easily to him. honesty is what ruined everything. his expression tenses, his grasp tightening, and he's moving closer, quietly, achingly desperate. ]

.. please.