ᴋᴀᴇʏᴀ ᴀʟʙᴇʀɪᴄʜ (
whatsthehurry) wrote2022-09-27 11:13 pm
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[ it's late, and kaeya is drunk.
not drunk enough to stumble and slur, nor to not know where he is, or whom he is with, but drunk enough to make reckless choices. drunk enough to touch what he shouldn't, and say forbidden things. drunk enough to eye diluc with undisguised hunger, across the bar. what they have between them.. it's nothing new. kaeya's felt this way for a long, long time - since they were boys, if he's honest with himself, and tonight, he is. it isn't the first time he's been tipsy in the angel's share and sent diluc heated looks, and he's sure it won't be the last, but kaeya nevertheless doesn't intend to grab diluc's wrist when he reaches for kaeya's glass. he's never been quite so bold before.
but it's raining tonight, and the rain makes him melancholy and nostalgic. rain reminds him of the things he's lost. it was storming, the night his father left him at the winery, when first he met master crepus, and diluc. it was storming again, the day he lost them both. thunder rolls in the distance, and wind rattles the windows in their frames; the storm is likely the only reason that diluc hasn't made good on his threats to kick kaeya out, despite the fact that the angel's share closed over an hour ago. kaeya is repaying that kindness, it seems, with assertiveness, his hand closing more tightly around diluc's wrist. even through his glove, he can feel the heat of diluc's skin.. he's always run so warm. ]
Luc -
[ the nickname comes too easily; kaeya's tongue is too loose. he clears his throat and grins genially, though his thumb is gliding beneath the hem of diluc's glove, sliding against bare skin. ]
That is, Master Diluc.. just one more, please. If you would be so kind.
not drunk enough to stumble and slur, nor to not know where he is, or whom he is with, but drunk enough to make reckless choices. drunk enough to touch what he shouldn't, and say forbidden things. drunk enough to eye diluc with undisguised hunger, across the bar. what they have between them.. it's nothing new. kaeya's felt this way for a long, long time - since they were boys, if he's honest with himself, and tonight, he is. it isn't the first time he's been tipsy in the angel's share and sent diluc heated looks, and he's sure it won't be the last, but kaeya nevertheless doesn't intend to grab diluc's wrist when he reaches for kaeya's glass. he's never been quite so bold before.
but it's raining tonight, and the rain makes him melancholy and nostalgic. rain reminds him of the things he's lost. it was storming, the night his father left him at the winery, when first he met master crepus, and diluc. it was storming again, the day he lost them both. thunder rolls in the distance, and wind rattles the windows in their frames; the storm is likely the only reason that diluc hasn't made good on his threats to kick kaeya out, despite the fact that the angel's share closed over an hour ago. kaeya is repaying that kindness, it seems, with assertiveness, his hand closing more tightly around diluc's wrist. even through his glove, he can feel the heat of diluc's skin.. he's always run so warm. ]
Luc -
[ the nickname comes too easily; kaeya's tongue is too loose. he clears his throat and grins genially, though his thumb is gliding beneath the hem of diluc's glove, sliding against bare skin. ]
That is, Master Diluc.. just one more, please. If you would be so kind.
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despite the fact that kaeya was the one to speak first, he finds that he immediately regrets it, and wishes they could just go back to uncomplicated kissing and fucking and not have to worry about anything at all. in fact, kaeya's eye is already flicking to the left and the right, searching for an escape route.
at least until diluc is leaning forward to kiss him again, and kaeya's breath leaves him in a shuddering rush. gods, it feels so good to kiss him.. it feels so right, more right than anything has ever felt in his life. from a young age, his life has always been unstable, the puzzle pieces of his existence scattered, a mess, but he and diluc fit together, they always have, from the first night kaeya spent under the roof of the manor. he'd been terrified, alone, frozen solid from the downpour, but diluc had watched him with wide, scarlet eyes, eager to help. and when kaeya came down with a cold the next day, diluc rushed to his side, ready to share his toys, to bring kaeya water, to stay with him until he felt better.
the memory is like a knife to the heart. ]
Well. We can share the blame.
[ clearing his throat, kaeya snags the waistband of his trousers and begins hiking them back up, right over the mess in his pants, because really, what else is he going to do? it's not the first time he's walked home with come in his pants, and it isn't likely to be the last. ]
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But he wasn't thinking, that's the whole point. And now that he is thinking again, he realizes he is entirely out of his depth here. Even Kaeya seems to be, and this was hardly his first time. Does Kaeya realize just how...fresh this all was to Diluc? That he lost his virginity here with him tonight? Heat flushes his face, burning and unwelcome, as he looks away, tucking his cock back inside his trousers and doing them back up, before lifting his fingers to the buttons of his shirt.
His fingers are unsteady. He's blaming that on the strength it took to pin a fully grown man against the shelf.
To fuck him.
He exhales sharply. ]
I...yes. We should.
[ Maybe it's better to simply leave it at that. ]
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that even now, after a hard, brutal, necessary fuck, they both are still trying their hardest to ignore. kaeya started this thing, by pressing his luck with diluc, he's obligated to fix it.. yet instead he's buttoning up his trousers and buckling his belts back up as if all they exchanged was an easy conversation. kaeya's silver tongue rarely fails him, but now? gods, he hardly knows what to say. what to do. his eye flicks briefly to diluc's face, taking in the hot flush on his skin, the uncertain expression.
should he regret this?
.. no. no, he doesn't regret it. it feels like they've lanced a painful boil, like they've moved forward, somehow, despite the fact that they've overcomplicated things even further. it was good. it was incredible. unforgettable. kaeya doesn't regret a single second of it, no matter how awkward things feel in this moment. ]
I should.. ah..
[ his gaze flickers to the door. ]
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Ah.
So, that's how it's going to be, then.
It hurts, more than he would ever care to admit, a hot flash of embarrassment sinking like a dagger into his gut. Diluc has never been intimate with anyone before, he's never even been close to it - how could he? With how busy his various tasks and missions keep him, and how long his heart has belonged to Kaeya and Kaeya only. This was hardly intimacy, yes, but it was absolutely vulnerability, a side of Diluc that no one has ever seen before, and Kaeya is just going to leave. Going to run, like he always does.
It's a slap to the face. It stings. It hurts. But rather than allow himself to be hurt, to show even one more sliver of vulnerability to the other man, Diluc instead gets angry, the walls around his heart climbing upward once more. It's easier this way. Better this way. It always has been.
What a fool he'd been to think this would change anything. ]
Am I keeping you from something, Captain? How dare you. Tch - I should have known better.
[ Climbing to his feet, he turns away, hands clenched at his sides. He can still taste Kaeya in his mouth, feel his hands on his body. Godsdamn him. ]
Go on then. Leave. You got what you came for.
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No, Luc, I -
[ shit. for all diluc keeps his cards close to his chest, kaeya knows him, and he can see the hurt that flashes across his features before he's closing down, raising his walls up high again, and kaeya knows he has misstepped - and badly. he'd thought diluc wouldn't want him to stick around, he'd thought diluc would want to escape this awkward situation as much as kaeya wants to.
he'd been a fool, clearly. hurting diluc.. it's just about the last thing that kaeya wants to do. for all he picks at him, for all he likes to press diluc's buttons, kaeya doesn't want to wound him, not really, not like this. he's scrambling to his feet almost instantly, reaching to snag one of diluc's wrists, pulling, trying to turn him around.
It's not like that. I just thought -
[ kaeya curses under his breath. ]
I'm sorry.
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His fist remains tightly wound, jaw clenched, as Kaeya tries to turn him around. He doesn't - not fully, anyway. Diluc doesn't want to face him right now. Maybe not ever again. How can he look him in the eye, knowing how close they came tonight, and how soon afterwards Kaeya was to return to his usual tricks?
He could really punch him in the teeth right now. ]
For what.
[ For what? ]
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and as always, kaeya deserves to be on the receiving end of his burning hot ire. ]
I just thought -
[ kaeya's grasp on diluc's wrist tightens up, and he gives another tug - but if diluc won't turn to him, then kaeya will close the distance instead, side-stepping to get in front of diluc again. ]
I thought you wouldn't want me hanging around, all right?
[ but he was wrong, clearly, and he should likely have known better. diluc isn't like him, he doesn't do casual sex or meaningless flings. this meant something to him. it meant something to kaeya, too, but it had been all too easy for him to lose his cool and chase the desire to run away, to escape whatever awkward pain the aftermath would bring. it was a selfish desire, but kaeya has always been a selfish man, placing his own self-preservation before most everything else.
still, it isn't worth hurting diluc. guilt weighs heavy on his heart, just as it had back then; gods, why is he always fucking things up? ]
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That's why it hurts so much that he wanted to leave. He claims that he did it for Diluc's sake, but is that really true? Gods, why does it hurt that he even has to ask that question to himself? He may have once thought he knew Kaeya better than he even knew himself, that he knew how his mind worked implicitly, but that had never been true, had it? So it's not true now either. He has to question these things.
He has to question what it all meant. ]
Don't make me your scapegoat. You wanted to run away so you wouldn't have to deal with whatever I might do next. Isn't that right?
[ Yes, you thought wrong, Kaeya, and Diluc is making sure you know it. ]
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[ but both of these things can be true.
kaeya doesn't give up, though. it's not like him not to run away from a mess - clearly - but now that this has devolved so painfully he knows he can't leave. he can't let this go. even if it earns another scar, kaeya.. has to choose honesty, this time. though the temptation is certainly there to give up, to just.. leave, and let this thing fester, he's already lost so much, with diluc. he can't lose anymore. he couldn't take it.
so kaeya snags his other wrist too, holding tightly. ]
Luc, come on.
[ what does he need to say? what can he say? cold fear is creeping up his spine, a quiet panic building in his gut that he can't chase away. it feels like diluc is slipping further and further away, and kaeya can only cling to what's left. ]
Maybe I thought that for a minute, yeah. Maybe I wanted to run. But I'm here now, and I can't - we can't -
[ honesty doesn't come easily to him. honesty is what ruined everything. his expression tenses, his grasp tightening, and he's moving closer, quietly, achingly desperate. ]
.. please.
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Diluc realizes he's been waiting for it - that despite the fact that Kaeya thought twice about trying to make for the door a moment ago, he still will do it, because he doesn't want to face Diluc. He will refuse to face him, like he has ever since that night, when the ugly truth came out and their blades crossed. Diluc's gaze flickers up to the eyepatch Kaeya wears, and the scar he knows lingers beneath, before dropping away once more.
Maybe this night is not so different. Kaeya had seized an opportunity with Diluc while he was vulnerable, and Diluc doesn't know just how the ground beneath him has crumbled away, only that is has. Kaeya had hurt him, unintentionally or not, and it had earned his righteous fury. That night, he had wanted to hurt Kaeya in return for hurting him. He wanted to lash out in a rage, built from the seething anguish inside him. Tonight, resisting when Kaeya reaches out now seems almost lethal.
Please.
He swallows against a lump in his throat. He hates that it's there. ]
...What do you want me to say?
[ He's never had the silver tongue that Kaeya has. It's why expressing himself had seemed so much easier a few moments ago, with raw physicality, instead of words. Now that he must try to speak to what is in his heart, what he wants, the tangled mess inside him seems...insurmountable. ]
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again. ]
I don't..
[ he starts, but for all diluc thinks of his silver tongue, it's failing kaeya, now. his sharp wit and quick words are usually tied up with his lies, but uncomfortable honesty like this.. it doesn't come to him easily. he doesn't know what to say. he doesn't know what to do. he can't tell diluc the full, bare truth.
he can't still him how much he loves him. how he's always loved him, in every way that someone can love a person. the fear of outright rejection is far too strong, and kaeya protects himself instead in icy layers, keeping his tender, sentimental heart protected, not unlike diluc himself does. they have so much more in common than either of them would want to believe. kaeya exhales hard.
and then he's tugging on diluc's wrists, yanking him closer, tilting his head to crush their mouths together again. maybe it's too much, maybe diluc will haul off and punch him in the teeth, but words are failing him, and kaeya prefers instead to speak with his body. things were easier, simpler when they were kissing, and he hopes against hope that somehow, perhaps, what he's feeling will come through this way instead. ]
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Kaeya's lips crash to his with such a tide of remorse that it takes Diluc by surprise. There are feelings in the way he moves his lips against his own, with warm need and fervent needfulness, but it's not the same as the burgeoning lust that had come before. It's as if Kaeya's whole heart is spilling out through his mouth and into Diluc's, and Diluc returns in kind, a gentle, mournful sound in his throat as he leans against Kaeya and snags the front of his shirt once more.
His heart is heavy, pouring catharsis into every brush of his lips, every dip of his tongue. His feelings must be exhumed, and after burning off his physical desire earlier, everything that's left to be consumed are the raw contents of his heart, all of his pure, painful love that he holds and always will hold for Kaeya.
Does he realize, now, with the way Diluc kisses him, how desperately, achingly in love with him he is?
Gods, he hopes Kaeya doesn't open his eyes, and see the glisten of tears just at the corners of his own closed eyes.
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not that kaeya is thinking about that. he's thinking only about what he's feeling, how good it is to kiss diluc, to taste him, to feel that itching something in the way their lips move together. the thing he understands and reciprocates yet it too afraid to say aloud, the words sticking in his throat, even the mere idea of muttering them is enough to make his heart race with anxiety.
but he doesn't have to say them, not when he can speak instead with his kiss, with the press of his body to diluc's. his hands release diluc's wrists and lift instead to his jaw, cradling his face as if it were something precious, something delicate, that needs protecting, his thumbs smoothing over the sharp rise of diluc's fine cheekbones. ]
You're beautiful.
[ he whispers between their mouths, his tongue lapping at diluc's, the intimacy between them growing, swelling, gripping his heart like a scorching hot fist. ]
I'm sorry.
[ for tonight, yes. but also for so much more. for betrayal, for secrets, for the simple crime of his existence. ]
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Telling Kaeya these things with his body, his hands, and his mouth rather than his words is...so much easier. So much simpler. ]
I'm sorry, too.
[ For pushing him away. For needing to push him away. For everything that was inevitable, and everything that wasn't.
Breaking off from the kiss, Diluc instead leans his brow against Kaeya's, drawing in a deep, shuddering breath. ]
Come home with me tonight.
[ It's his home too, after all. ]
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Yeah.
[ kaeya presses his forehead back to diluc's, nudging at him with his nose.
going home with him. sleeping together, really sleeping together, tangled up in one another. it's so repulsively sweet, and it's all that kaeya wants. his hands smooth over diluc's back, and kaeya kisses him again, one more time, slow and lingering and warm, before it's breaking with a soft sound. ]
Let's go.
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He wasn't certain, at first, and questioned his judgment more than once as they made their way back to the Dawn Winery. He's taking Kaeya home with him. The implications of that are not lost on either of them, and there are...several implications. Still, he feels amorous and warm, too much so to give into his second-guessing. The overwhelming scent of Kaeya's skin and taste of him still in his mouth no doubt have much to do with that, and the carriage ride home is spent in relative quiet, their bodies pressed close together, sharing warmth and touch. After denying himself this for so long, Diluc feels rather like a parched man, drinking up every ounce of affection he can, thirsty for it all.
After all, he isn't sure what tomorrow will bring, if some time to reflect on what they've finally done will change how he feels about it, about him. Better to seize this moment while they can, before common sense nudges its way back into his synapses.
Once they reach the estate and steal their way inside under the cover of night, they waste no time getting back to what they left off with at the Angel's Share, kissing, touching, pulling off one another's already-messy clothing until they are both beautifully, wonderfully bare. This time, it's slower, more deliberate, in the way they map one another with their hands and mouths, touch and kiss in places they have always daydreamed about. They share one another wholly, perfectly, Kaeya pressing Diluc face-first into the sheets and bearing down on him until Diluc is absolutely senseless and growling with pleasure. He's never felt such ecstasy in his life as he does when Kaeya fucks him, needful and unrelenting and sweet all at once.
It's not until the sun begins to rise that they at last reach the point of exhaustion, the sheets around them damp from sweat and come, their bodies perfectly tangled, hair sticking to tacky skin. Diluc falls asleep with his face pressed against Kaeya's throat, surrounding him fully with the scent of his skin and hair, breathing in his pulse. It's a heavy, dreamless sleep, deeply satisfied and boneless from their exertions, and one he does not intend to rise from until late, late the next morning.
Or perhaps never at all. He could stay like this forever, never moving from this moment, from this spot. That would be easier, wouldn't it? ]
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it's fantastic. it's incredible. it's.. groundbreaking, at least for kaeya, who has never really bothered to be anything but a good, transient fuck for another person. but for diluc he wants to be more, he never wants it to end, and though he doesn't have courage to call it what it is, they're not just fucking, they're making love, hot and desperate and much-needed love that scratches an itch he's never been able to reach. diluc's hands are a balm, his mouth a sweet salve over old, raw wounds that never properly healed. their coming together feels fated. natural. necessary.
it's nearly dawn by the time they finally sleep, filthy and exhausted and wrapped up in one another, their limbs tangled, the sheets damp, the blankets an unholy mess. kaeya sleeps deeply, restfully, lost in the warm scent of diluc's skin and hair, comforted by the walls around him. the winery has always felt like home.. and tonight, for the first time in years, he feels that old contentedness again. it wraps him like a warm blanket, and kaeya sleeps better than he has in a long, long time.
it's after noon by the time he stirs, their bodies still intertwined, and it takes a moment for kaeya to rouse enough to remember why he is here, and with whom, though the face full of scarlet hair tickling his nose is an easy reminder.
for a brief moment, cold fear clutches his gut. what have they done? why did they do it? was this the right choice? should he run again?
kaeya bites it back. it's old insecurity talking, and in this warm, perfect moment.. how could he feel anything but good? shifting onto his side, one hand skates down diluc's back, and kaeya nudges their noses together, grinning like a lazy cat as the afternoon sunlight streams against his skin. ]
.. morning, beautiful.
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And Kaeya is still here with him. He didn't slip away in the night, to dress himself and put the armor around his heart back on. He is still here, vulnerable and warm and wonderful, and all at once a lump of emotion sits thick in the back of Diluc's throat. At last, it's like a vital, missing piece of his life has slotted back into place.
Will it stay that way? For now, he is trying not to think about it.
Eyes still closed, his lips curl into a gentle smile against Kaeya's cheek, a hand lifting to glide beneath his jaw. ]
Oh, stop with the flattery. You already got me into bed.
[ Baka!!! ]
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Well, I suppose I did.. but I didn't need flattery, for that.
[ he just needed his hands and his mouth and his body against diluc's to spark all that came after, and later.. his honesty. some of it, at least. they still haven't entirely admitted their hearts to one another, and kaeya still feels that deep pit of worry in his gut that it's going to need to come to that sooner than he wants, but..
.. it's worth it, isn't it? to bridge this terrible gap between them. to have diluc warm and naked against him, looking gorgeous and tousled in the morning light, his red hair wild from all the astounding sex they've had. it feels like a dream. kaeya hums, turning his head enough to capture diluc's with his own, reminding himself that this is real. he tastes just as good as he did the night before, just as perfect and sweet and familiar, and kaeya pulls in a sharp breath through his nose, murmuring against diluc's mouth. ]
But I can flatter you all I like.
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[ Comes his succinct response against Kaeya's lips. Diluc is, of course, not actually upset to be flattered, least of all not from Kaeya, even if it is strange to wrap his head around the idea of accepting it without resisting at least a little. He's resisted for so long, kept Kaeya at arm's length every time he teased him so affectionately. Now it seems foolish to have done so. He is not so naive as to believe that all the problems between them will magically be resolved now, but they do seem...smaller, somehow, for the gap they have now bridged.
Lying naked wrapped up in another person will do that.
He allows himself to indulge in the kiss, and it is good, lacking the urgency of their kisses from the night before, but no less hot and perfect, leaving his lips tingling and aching for more. ]
Don't let it go to your head.
[ He will. ]
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[ how could it not? he's wanted diluc for so long, that this can't feel like anything but a treat, but a win, even though he came very close to completely blowing it, last night, with one simple glance toward the door.
yet here they are.. wrapped together, warmed by streaming sunlight, surrounded by one another. it should feel awkward and strange, but instead it feels entirely natural, perfectly regular, which is all the more reason that kaeya knows it's right. kissing diluc feels like the most normal, easy, effortless thing that he has ever done.
and it's just so easy to push him back, to pin him to the bed and slide over him, rocking their hips together as his mouth moves along diluc's jaw to his ear, dragging warm and wet, his hands skating over diluc's ribs, down his sides, to grasp his hips. ]
And if I have it my way, you won't be leaving this bed all day..
[ he whispers, teeth raking against the sensitive space where diluc's jaw and neck meet. ]
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Not that he's displeased with this turn of events - hardly. The night before wasn't nearly enough to make up for years of pining and heartache, and this morning after won't be, either, but it's a start. If they're to mend the rift between them, better to do it in a way they are both adept at expressing themselves: physically.
Even if this particular kind of physicality is still a new arena for Diluc. Kaeya hasn't teased him - much - for his inexperience, and he finds it far easier than he ever would have expected. Maybe that's how he can know it's right.
A groan escapes him as Kaeya envelopes him with his body, arching his neck to better facilitate those sweet, warm kisses. Kaeya's hair cascades like a waterfall over his shoulder, tickling Diluc's cheek, and he chuckles, such a strange and unusual lightness in his chest.
He likes it, he thinks. ]
And if I don't let you have your way? My work doesn't stop on a whim, you know.
[ He says, his words not matching his actions at all as his hands curl up around Kaeya's back to keep him near, his palms dragging over his shoulder blades, fingers dipping into each ridge of his spine. Turning his head, Diluc drags his tongue over the shell of Kaeya's ear, tasting the salt of his skin. ]
And you've already made such a mess for me to clean up.
[ They're so filthy!! ]
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kaeya is.. a sensual creature by nature, even without taking into account the fact that they have denied themselves this pleasure for years. now that he has it at his fingertips? there can be no resisting diluc. not now. not anymore. not ever again. they've flirted at this thing for so long that both of them can't keep their hands from one another any longer. ]
Mm, it certainly doesn't seem as if you're resisting..
[ he murmurs, their hips rocking together again, creating that sweet, warm friction that he craves, kaeya's cock already growing stiff between them as heat pools in his lap. now that they've crossed this line, kaeya can't imagine going back. ]
But if your work is so important..
[ his mouth drags, coasting down diluc's throat. another grind of his hips. ]
Then I suppose you ought to get going..
[ but they both know diluc won't. they both know that they are both exactly where they want to be, right here in this filthy bed, in these tangled sheets, primed and ready to fuck the afternoon away. ]
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It's hard to be bitter when Kaeya's warm body spills over him, grinding into him, mouth gliding over his throat. It feels better than words can say. How did he ever go without this? Could he ever bear to let it go, now that he's captured it?
That's a question that will need answering eventually, but not just yet. This afternoon is theirs for the taking just as the night before was. ]
I'm already on my way out the door.
[ His knees snap up around Kaeya's waist, holding him against him. It's rare for him to be so indulgent in his own wants, but with how overdue this is, he doesn't feel too guilty. The Angel's Share will be well taken care-of in his absence, and there's nothing else so pressing that he needs to leave this bed anytime soon. He laces his fingers behind Kaeya's neck, tipping his head back to better facilitate Kaeya's access to his neck. ]
Driving my carriage back to the city...hm. Good thing we cleaned up the bar last night.
[ Since. You know. ]
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Indeed..
[ the evidence of their rough fucking against the bar wall had been a bit overt, he thinks, and kaeya was absolutely the sort who would have been happy to leave it as is for any and all to see, but diluc had insisted. of course. and so they'd left the angel's share spotless.
.. and instead, ruined diluc's large, comfortable bed. ]
The question is.. how shall I have you, hmm?
[ kaeya's voice is a low, silken purr, his tongue gliding over diluc's pulse, tracing delicate tendons, sucking light bruises against his collar while his hands grasp at diluc's hips, pulling them against his own, slow and deep. diluc's thighs feel hot as hellfire around his waist. ]
Shall I finish you with my hands? Or perhaps in my mouth?
[ his right hand is already slipping between their bodies, taking hold of diluc's cock, squeezing, pulling, his thumb gliding over the tip. already he's becoming well-acquainted with the shape of him. kaeya's head lifts, his hair wild and his pupil blown as he looks into diluc's face, reading his expression. ]
Or should I fuck you into the mattress until you're begging for me?